Another year down, 2 more to go! I said this before in my Freshman Reflection but I really can’t believe I have finished another year! The time just flies by so much faster in college than in high school.
Last year I reflected on everything that happened during the year but this year I have just learned so much and grew so much as a person that I want to reflect on all of that a little more so than what happened during the year.
My sophomore year has taught me that I should stand my ground when I truly believe in something or feel a certain way. Too many times this year I have lessened my feelings or beliefs for the feelings of others. Of course this isn’t always a bad thing to do, but sometimes you need to do what’s best for you.
I learned that sometimes people are going to disagree with you on how you do things, think, and act. This isn’t always a bad thing. I was always so caught up in pleasing people and trying to make people like me and accept me that I would lose myself along the way or forget to do things for myself that makes me happy. I also learned that other people just work differently than me and I have to accept their ways of doing things. Trying to change them to fit my expectations and molds is not the way to go.
I learned that people don’t always have good intentions. This one isn’t a positive thing to learn, but I learned it. I always try and see the brighter side of any situation I’m in and the good in everyone but honestly, some people just aren’t good. There are some people out there who are intentionally trying to harm you with their toxic ways. Dismissing that can be dangerous. That doesn’t mean that I’ll stop being so optimistic about life, it just means I will take everything with a grain of salt and only trust actions instead of words from now on in order to protect myself.
I learned that your friends will always be there for you no matter what and putting a significant other above them is never the okay thing to do. If your s.o. cuts you off from the outside world and your friends you need to recognize it as toxic behavior. Nothing good will come from a relationship that is controlling and untrusting.
I learned that sometimes the hardest things in life to do are the things you have to do for the better of all parties involved. Sometimes you can’t please everyone and that’s okay.
I learned that love isn’t enough to stay in a relationship or put up with toxicity. Love can’t fix your problems or the person. Love can only go so far.
I learned that I am a unique person with aspirations of my own that need to be at the forefront of my decisions. I am 20 years old and I need to focus on myself while I can before I do settle down with a husband and kids and my life is no longer just my life, but our life. Now is the time to do the things that make me happy, that will better me, and will benefit me. I don’t have time to worry about making decisions that may not be the best for me, but will be good for another. I learned that at this time in my life I am the important one.
I learned that I am not alone. When I hit my lowest and I felt abandoned by everyone because they had been pushed away, I realized I wasn’t really alone. Those people who really care for me and love me were still around just waiting for me to come back around and open my arms to them again. And I appreciate those people who didn’t hold a grudge on me for my actions in the past because of a toxic relationship.
I learned that I am strong. These past few months have been one thing after another and I really thought I couldn’t take anymore. But once I said that another thing happened, but I kept pushing on. Yes I cried all day and stayed in bed all day on multiple occasions but I didn’t let it get the best of me. God would never lead me to something if he couldn’t lead me through it.
I learned that my relationship with God is an important one that I want to make stronger.
I learned that being alone isn’t bad. I was in a serious long term relationship so of course when that ended I felt all alone. I was lonely and depressed. I felt like I needed someone, anyone, to be there for me and to hold. I felt like I needed someone to make me feel important and worth something. I wanted someone to look at me like they needed me. I wanted something to wake up for. But then I learned that all of those things don’t lay inside of a person. All of those things lay inside of my friends, family, and myself. Someone else doesn’t define my importance, worth, or beauty. I do. I learned that I don’t need anyone here with me to make me feel accepted and wanted. I learned that being alone isn’t always a bad thing.
I learned that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. My situation left me needing to ask for financial and emotional help from friends and family. But I hesitated to do so and struggled on my own for a while. Finally I realized that asking for help isn’t a bad thing and sometimes the person who is always helping others needs some help too. I still get uncomfortable every time I ask for help, but I don’t let it win. I ask, and I accept the help I need from others.
I learned that I can’t control everything, no matter how badly I want to. My anxiety makes me want to control everything around me, but lately everything I once had control over has slipped away from me and I am left in a world full of what feels like chaos. It has been overwhelming. But sometimes I can’t control my life or what happens in it. I definitely cannot control other people and that is the hardest part of this lesson. It is hard to grasp or understand how some people can do the things they do, but I have to accept that they are doing it. I can’t control my situations but I can control my reactions to them. I will no longer let other people or events control me and my emotions. The only thing I do have complete control over is myself.
I learned that not everything is logical and has an answer to it. I am a very logical person in the sense that I need answers to everything. Why something is the way it is, why someone acts the way they do, why they think the way they do, how they can do something, etc. Lately I have been faced with so many unanswered questions that I feel like my world is turned upside down and it has been hard to understand my situations without those answers. But I learned that not everything will have a clear cut answer, or an answer I will be okay with. I have to understand that some people will say and do things that will not make sense to me because I could never say or act the same and my ability to relate to them is nonexistent.
I learned that I still have so much to learn. I thought I had everything figured out going into freshman year. I thought I knew what my whole future held and what my life would be like. But all of that got tore out from under me. I learned that things can change in an instant. I learned that I have to take things as they come.
My sophomore year was definitely full of more downs than ups but I am pleased to say that I ended the year on top and that’s all that matters. Bring on Junior year OSU!