Okay so here’s the breakdown. This is the series where I rewind and reflect on the month that just passed to recognize the good, the bad, and the things I should be thankful for! Here’s to another month!
Okay, so this one is tough for me to talk about and it actually didn’t originally happen in April but I couldn’t talk about it last month because, well, it’s difficult to talk about. I won’t go into great detail about it other than mentioning it happened and just what I’ve learned from it so here it goes, for those of you who have been here from the beginning and are active on here and my YouTube channel then you knew about my boyfriend D. After 4 years together we have broken up.
The only thing I am going to talk about regarding the issue is just what I have learned from it and the positivity coming from it because I like to stay positive and look at the brighter side of everything!
Since the breakup I have been struggling with who I am. By that I mean I am very hurt that I put my everything into a relationship only for it to fail. After seeing my efforts, time, love, and care going to waist it is hard for me to continue to stay so loving and caring because of the possibility of it once again going to waist.
To make a long story short, it is hard to want to get into another relationship, to trust again, to love again, to care again after seeing 4 years go down the drain and all of that be waisted on someone who wasn’t worth it. It really takes a stab at your character. I have been going back and forth with myself on weather or not I should just turn cold hearted and not catch feelings for anyone ever again, not let others see my big heart and unconditional love anymore. Because when I care about someone, I put everything I have into them and I love wholeheartedly and unconditionally. But that has been taken advantage of and it has me thinking about not being that Marissa anymore. Mainly to protect myself.
But you know what I realized? That I shouldn’t do that. Of course caring and loving hard can get me hurt, but it brings me too much joy and happiness. I would much rather throw myself into friendships and relationships and give it all I’ve got then to half-ass something that could turn into something really beautiful. You never know when the right person will walk into your life and you don’t want to bring baggage from a past relationship that could damage a good one.
A piece of advise to anyone who’s going through the same thing: cry, let it all out, be angry, all of that is okay and perfectly normal and natural. But DON’T let someone change you. Don’t let a heartbreak turn you into someone you’re not. You will have so much more satisfaction from life if you are living it to the fullest with no second guessing, regrets, or grudges.
Please don’t let someone who didn’t appreciate you, love you, care for you, or treat you the way you were supposed to be treated stop you from being a kind hearted person because the world needs more people like you. So keep loving people with all your heart! I promise it will be worth it in the end.
Now that I got all the deep stuff off my chest I wanted to touch on the other stuff happening in April!
FINALS…ugh. Yes. They are here. I just finished my last day of classes on the 21st and since then I’ve had 2 finals with 2 more to come and a final paper. SAVE ME! I have to just keep thinking: I am almost done and it is almost Summer. I really can’t believe I am officially almost done with my second year of college. I will be doing a reflection here soon, but in the meantime yall can check out my freshman year reflection from last year!
Something awful that happened this month is my sweet sweet pup Remi got super sick! 😦 she had to be rushed to the animal hospital and monitored over night. I was an emotional momma that day! But, sparing you the dirty details of it all, she is alright and back at home with me. I have to give her medication and special food for a while but hopefully it won’t happen again!
I was hesitant on telling yall this next thing because it isn’t official or anything and if it doesn’t happen it’ll be super awkward BUUUTTTT I am too excited not to at least mention it! This month I applied to be a Victoria’s Secret PINK Campus Rep for OSU! Ahhh! I had to submit an application and a short video as part of applying. I am still waiting on a response back to see if I have advanced to the interview round but keep your fingers crossed! I would be super exited if I got this opportunity! They only pick 2 reps per school and OSU is so big so I can only imagine how many girls applied! I will definitely keep yall updated!
One of my friends got a new camera and has been playing around with it and asked to do a photo shoot with me! If you haven’t noticed already, my brand images around My Drifting Desk has changed! And something yall didn’t know is that the old one’s I used were form my senior pictures in high school….yeah, they needed updated. I absolutely LOVE the pictures, here are some of my favs! You can also see more on my Instagram Account!
See you next month!